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I love the freedom that has come with this summer.
I love the feeling of the sun on my face as I sit under the shade of a tree watching the sticky drips of Popsicle roll down my four year old’s chin. I love breathing free knowing that there is no forgotten assignments due and no gymnastics classes to race down the road to. I love the reading of library books and the early morning yoga when the world is still quiet and peaceful.
Don’t get me wrong, there is a lot going on around here. The oven died, I gave a terrifying (for me, hopefully not for those listening!) talk in church, the freezer leaked water all over which warped our wood floor, frost and pot-guts have wreaked havoc on my garden, and the kids are running wild through the neighborhood. I’ll have to cook on our camp stove in the back yard for yet another week until the new appliances come and it’s been wicked hot for days now. Speaking of hot, yesterday, our air conditioner broke. Why not, everything else has? Today I am sewing like mad, trying to get my family ready for our pioneer trek coming up. I still have a million meetings, but they seem easier to handle when I’m not engulfed in winter craziness. Bills are piling up and the “want” list has been quietly tucked into a drawer for the time being.
There is a lot going on, but it’s a different kind of busy-ness.
Since J.L. passed away and my husband totaled his truck a few days later, I have put a lot of things on the back burner. My home isn’t clean. There’s graded papers and artwork left on my desk from the last day of school. There is a giant pile of mending sitting on the table, at least 72 unfinished projects, and the laundry baskets are overflowing. I still can’t see the floor through the toys down in the basement and bindweed is rapidly taking over my flower beds.
There will be time for those things but for now there are other things that are more important.
Like running through sprinklers with my children.
I’m choosing to be there for my brother as he rips out old flooring, paints walls, and turns his new house into a home for his beautiful family. I’m taking slow walks with a sweet old granny dog who doesn’t have very many summers left. I’m painting neighbor’s barns and going for hikes with teenagers, not because I have nothing I could do. I’m just putting more weight in the things that I should do.
I can’t do everything and it’s ok.
This summer has been good for me.
There have been so many challenges and yet I’m learning to let go and live in the moment.
I’m allowing myself some breathing room and discovering that I can be a responsible, hard working mother and a nurturing, attentive one at the same time.
I want to live an authentic, happy life and in order to do that I have to be centered and confident in who I am. There is so much noise and confusion in this world but I don’t have to let it overcome me. I just have to slow down and relish the moment that I am in.
Because once that moment is over it will never come again.
I guess I am learning to be present, which is something that doesn’t come easy to a girl who’s mind and body must constantly move.
There will always be financial struggles, accidents, and broken appliances, that’s just life, but there will never be another moment like the one I am in, so I am choosing to experience it.
Thank you, J.L. for teaching me that.
Happy summer everybody.